Effective Communication in Negotiation

One skill separates great communicators from average ones: Perspective-taking. The ability to see things from someone else’s point of view. But most people do it wrong. Here’s how to do it right, especially when you’re leading or being led: When you’re the boss, persuading down: You’re trying to convince Maria on your team to do something different. She’s pushing back. Your instinct might be to assert your authority. But that’s a mistake. Here’s why… Research shows: The more powerful you feel, the worse your perspective-taking becomes. More power = less understanding. So if you want to persuade Maria, don’t lean into your title. Do the opposite: dial your power down, just briefly. Try this: Before the next conversation, remind yourself: Maria has power too. I need her buy-in. Maybe she sees something I don’t. Lower your feelings of power to raise your perspective. From that place, ask: → What does she see that I’m missing? → What might be in her way? → What’s a win-win outcome? That shift changes the entire dynamic. Instead of steamrolling, you’re collaborating. And that’s how you earn trust and results. Now flip it. You’re the employee persuading your boss. It’s a high-stakes moment. You’re nervous. So do you appeal to emotion? No. Drop the feelings. Focus on interests. Here’s the key question: “What’s in it for them?” Not how you feel. Not your big dream. → Will it save time? → Improve performance? → Help them hit their goals? Make it about their world, not yours. Why? Because every boss has a mental shortcut: → Does this employee make my life easier or harder? Be the person who brings clarity, ideas, and upside. Not complaints, drama, or friction. In summary: → Persuading down? Dial down your power to see clearer. → Persuading up? Focus on their interests, not your emotions. Perspective-taking is a superpower, if you learn how to use it. Now practice, practice, practice.

In business and life, the best outcomes go to the best negotiators. Most people think negotiation is about winning. It's actually about understanding. What separates good deals from great ones? It's not aggression. It's not manipulation. It's not who talks loudest. It comes down to mastering the human side of the exchange. Here's the path that works: 1. Prepare Like You Mean It Research goes beyond Google. Understand their pressures, their goals, their challenges. Knowledge becomes helpful when used with care. 2. Open With Real Connection Forget the power plays. Start with curiosity and respect. The tone you set in the first 5 minutes shapes everything that follows. 3. Explore What's Underneath People fight for positions. But they negotiate for reasons. "I need a better price" might really mean "My boss needs to see I'm adding value." Find the why behind the what. 4. Trade Value, Create Value The best deals aren't zero-sum. Look for ways both sides can win. Sometimes what costs you little means everything to them. 5. Close With Total Clarity Handshakes aren't contracts. Document what you agreed to. Confirm next steps before you leave. Ambiguity kills more deals than disagreement. The biggest mistake I see leaders make? They negotiate like it's combat. But the best outcomes come from collaboration. When you're across the table, remember: 👂 Listen more than you speak ❓ Ask "Help me understand..." when stuck ⏸️ Take breaks when emotions rise 👟 Know your walk-away point before you sit down Your style matters too. Sometimes you need to compete. Sometimes you need to accommodate. The magic is knowing when to shift. Success isn’t given. It’s negotiated. But how you negotiate determines whether you build bridges or burn them. Choose wisely. 📌 Save this for your next negotiation. ♻️ Repost if this helps you (or someone on your team) negotiate. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more tools on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

11 negotiation tips I wish I knew when I started in sales: 1. Forget what they're asking for. Uncover the underlying need. Your buyer's 'ask' is a means to an end. What's their end? If you uncover that, you can find a solution. If you don't, it's impossible to negotiate. You can only haggle. 2. How you explain your pricing can either prevent or create objections. Bad way: "We charge $1k/seat and have a 5 seat min." Better way: "Our initial pricing is $5,000, and that covers you up to your first five users." 3. Quantify the business value. Do this before you negotiate. A $100,000 price tag looks like a lot to anybody. But a $10 million problem makes $100k look like nothing. 4. Establish 'must have' differentiation. Naive sellers think quantifying value is enough to win. It's not. Because if your buyer thinks your competitor can deliver the same value, but they're 50% of your price? You're toast. 5. A motivated champion is your best defense against procurement. Procurement grinding you down on price? Nothing like a champion to exercise their political capital. Creating champions is a skill. Learn it. 6. Multi-threading is your best "deal insurance." What happens if that champion gets canned? That's a lonely place to be. Building a multi-threaded network in a deal is your best insurance policy. 7. Begin the negotiation session by summarizing the business value. It's easy to argue over price in a vacuum. “II thought I’d spend the first few minutes summarizing the key elements of our partnership so we’re on the same page. Fair?” Remind them what's at stake. 8. Put the onus on your buyer. When you run into an issue, ask them a question. "What do you think is the best way for us to find a win/win?" Get them to solve the problem. They'll feel in control. 9. Never agree to a concession without knowing what comes next. Your buyer asks for a 10% discount? Great. You have authority to give it. But don't yet. Instead ask this: "If we came to an agreement on price, still has to happen before partnering together?" Most likely, they have more asks. Get all of those on the table before responding to a single one. 10. Give your concessions in decreasing increments. If your first concession is 10% off, then your next one is another 10% off, guess what? Your buyer thinks they can get yet another 10% off. But if your first concessions is 10% off, and your next concession is 3% off, your buyer feels they're at the end. 11. Isolate price resistance into 1 of 3 buckets: "Usually if people have an issue at price at this stage, it's for 1 of 3 reasons: First, you don't see the value. Second, you do see the value, but you have some sort of constraint. Third, you're just trying to get the best deal you can. Which of these is true for you?" Solve accordingly based on their answer. What tips would you add?

Most negotiation advice is written for men. Here's what works for women. Last week in Marrakech, I led a session on negotiation and tested every principle in the souks, where nothing is fixed and every price is a dialogue. If you want to understand negotiation as a living practice, you watch it unfold a thousand times a day in those narrow alleyways. Most advice says to anchor high and never move first. That logic, built for dominance, teaches women to defend positions before understanding what's on the table. The result is predictable: assertiveness gets labeled aggression, and we miss the strategic, relational approach that actually works; at work, at home, anywhere two people are trying to find common ground. Women are socialized to gather information, read context, and ask about others' needs before our own. The backlash for being too direct has forced us to master this. We learn more in five minutes of inquiry than in thirty minutes of persuasion. We've been taught to do this everywhere except at the negotiation table. The shift is simple. Start your next negotiation with curiosity. Ask what matters most to the other side before defending your position. Diagnostic questions reveal what people truly want, position you as collaborative rather than adversarial, and uncover options neither party had considered. I saw it work last week. Ask first. Listen longer. Shape agreements with information, not assumptions. I'll share the specific moves in future posts. For now, try one genuine diagnostic question before you state your position in your next negotiation. See what you learn.

They thought they had no choice. That’s why they almost gave in. I was in the room when it happened. A client (let’s call them Pollocks Pipelay) had been working with the same supplier for years. Solid relationship, reliable service. But one day, the supplier walked in and said: "𝙒𝙚’𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙗𝙮 𝟯𝟬%. 𝙉𝙤𝙣-𝙣𝙚𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚." Immediate silence and panic. They needed this supplier - They started calculating how to absorb the cost - There was no backup - No safety net Then I asked the team: "𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙨 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠?" Nobody had an answer! I aimed to shift their view from fear to power Most negotiators consider a Fallback Plan (BATNA) a concept The best negotiators 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙚 it. - We took a step back - We mapped the fundamental alternatives - We found a smaller but reliable European supplier Was it perfect? No Was it good enough to remove the fear of walking away? Absolutely At the next meeting, Pollocks Pipelay didn’t beg for a price adjustment Instead, they confidently said: "𝙒𝙚’𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠" You should have seen the supplier’s face The power dynamic instantly flipped: - Pollocks Pipelay secured better payment terms - The supplier dropped their price increase entirely - They knew they’d never be backed into a corner again I see this mistake constantly. Smart professionals walking into negotiations without a strategic fallback plan → 85% of negotiators lack a strong fallback plan →Those who anchor first with a solid BATNA secure deals 26% closer to their goals →Having a fallback plan reduces bad deals by 40% while preserving relationships Yet so many people still fear walking away. Make your Fallback Plan your power move 1️⃣ Before the negotiation: Identify at least two real alternatives. Don’t rely on assumptions. Map your ZOPA (Zone of Possible Agreement). Study their BATNA—what are their options if you walk? 2️⃣ During the negotiation: Signal strength (“We’re weighing options, but I’d like to find common ground”) Stay flexible—adjust if new information emerges. 3️⃣ After the negotiation: Document what worked. Refine your BATNA for next time. The Best Negotiators Don’t Fear Walking Away—𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗙𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗟𝗲𝘀𝘀. Don't be aggressive in negotiations. Just know your worth and your options. Think about your negotiations. Do you have a Fallback Plan? Or just hope for the best? Have you ever been in a deal where you felt trapped but found a way out? Or maybe you’ve walked away, and later realized it was the best move you could’ve made? Drop your story in the comments. Let’s talk about how having (or not having) a fallback plan (BATNA) changed your outcome.

Listening is a skill I’ve never truly mastered I tend to fill silences when I should leave space. I often jump to making suggestions instead of asking questions. I sometimes wonder if I focus more on what I’ll say next rather than truly hearing what’s being said. These are weaknesses. But tackling a weakness can only happen once you accept it. And now I am working on it. Because being a better listener isn’t just about being polite — it’s essential for building trust, understanding others, and making better decisions. So here’s what I’m trying to do to get better: 1. Pausing for 3 seconds before responding. 🤫 It’s hard for me to pause purposefully, but research shows that leaving a small gap rather than filling it encourages the other person to elaborate. 2. Maintaining eye contact — but not too much. Looking away occasionally makes people feel less pressured and more open. Which is of course what I want. 3. Making an effort to ask open-ended questions instead of giving advice. Offering unsolicited solutions is a bad habit, just ask anyone I work with. “Can you tell me more about that?” works better than jumping in with advice that starts with me saying: “If I was you this is what I’d do…” 4. Summarising what I’ve heard to check my understanding. Saying “What I’m hearing is…” helps clarify miscommunication and shows I’ve been paying attention. It’s one of the techniques I learned from master negotiator Chris Voss’ books. 🤔 5. Physically removing distractions. If music is on in the background I turn it off or down. And putting my phone out of sight and out of reach makes an immediate difference in how present I am with people. Being a better listener takes effort — it’s about being intentional and patient. I’m still a very long way from perfect, but progress matters more than perfection. What’s one thing you’ve done to become a better listener? I’m all ears!

The best negotiators rarely talk about price. They focus on everything else. After decades of closing deals across three companies, here's what I've learned. Negotiation isn't about winning. It's about reaching a deal both sides would gladly sign again. Six principles guide every deal I make. 1️⃣ Preparation beats persuasion. The person with the most information wins before the meeting starts. Most sellers show up and hope. Top closers show up and know. 2️⃣ Interests over positions. Positions are what people say they want. Interests are why they want it. A buyer asking for 20% off might simply need budget cover. Solve the real problem, and price stops being the fight. 3️⃣ Silence is leverage. The next person to speak often loses. Ask your question. Then wait. Most sellers fill silence with concessions. Top closers let the silence do the work. 4️⃣ Anchor first. Anchor smart. Whoever sets the first number sets the frame. Anchor high, but make sure you can defend it. Don't let the other side define your value. 5️⃣ Trade, don't concede. Never give without getting. Free concessions signal weakness. Traded concessions create stronger deals. 6️⃣ Protect the relationship. The deal ends. The relationship continues. Negotiate in a way they'd gladly sign with you again. The same buyers often come back around. Six principles. Zero burned bridges. 💾 Save this before your next negotiation.

If you "win" a negotiation at the expense of the other side, you've already lost. Early on at @Cityflo, we had to convince bus operators to partner with a company with no track record. We realized that the best deals aren't about logic; they are about empathy. Understand what the other person values, what success looks like to them and find the win-win that benefits you AND them. The goal is never just to sign the deal. It's to build a partnership. If you can empathise with them and make them empathise with you, you'll build a lasting partnership In Game Theory, there is a concept of a Repeated Game, where the best action is different from that of a Single Game. And business is all about Repeated Games. If I could recommend one resource, it's Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator, who talks about viewing negotiations as non-zero sum.

Our research found that 49% of professional negotiators admit to bluffing or lying during negotiations. But what is the difference? A bluff creates uncertainty about your position, intentions, alternatives, or limits. A lie is a statement presented as fact when the person knows it is false. The line between them can be thin. A bluff quickly becomes a lie when someone invents competing offers, false deadlines, nonexistent alternatives, fabricated costs, or authority limits that are simply not true. So, sooner or later, the chances are that you will negotiate with someone who is lying. But what should you do? You cannot simply look across the table and say: “I think you are lying.” That immediately turns the negotiation into a personal confrontation. The other person is unlikely to pause, smile, and respond: “You are very good at this. Yes, I was lying. Now let me tell you the truth.” Think about how difficult it is to make anyone admit that they have lied—especially when money, reputation, authority, or career pressure is involved. Your objective should not be to force a confession. Your objective should be to make the truth easier to identify and dishonesty harder to maintain. Stay calm. Watch behavior rather than relying only on words. Ask open, curiosity-driven questions. Listen carefully for inconsistencies. Verify information instead of confronting the person. Use silence strategically. Test the story with small, specific questions. Understand what pressure or motive may be driving the behavior. Document important statements and agreements as you go. And before the negotiation even begins, consider establishing a simple code of conduct covering honesty, transparency, confidentiality, and how information will be verified. Negotiate the 'Role of Engagement.' How do we want to negotiate. That is why I created this short checklist: 12 practical ways to deal with a lying negotiator without losing control of the process, the relationship, or the value. You may never get the confession. You do not need it. You need facts, consistency, documentation, and a negotiation process that makes deception expensive. Because negotiation is not about winning an argument or catching someone in a lie. Negotiation is a deal architecture and about creating and distributing value. #negotiation SMARTnership Negotiation

🎯Power of Active Listening: A Game-Changer in Negotiations✨ I have witnessed firsthand how active listening can work wonders in negotiations. Let's delve into some practical tips on how you can harness the power of active listening to transform your negotiation skills. ✅1️⃣Be Fully Present 💯: Eliminate distractions, put away your phone, and give your undivided attention to the conversation. Show genuine interest in what the other party is saying, and focus on understanding their needs, concerns, and aspirations. ✅2️⃣Tune in to Non-Verbal Cues👀: Pay attention to the other party's body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Non-verbal cues can provide valuable insights into their emotions and underlying motivations. Use this information to adapt your approach and build rapport. ✅3️⃣Ask Open-Ended Questions 🗣️: Encourage the other party to share more by asking open-ended questions. Instead of yes-or-no inquiries, ask questions that begin with "how," "what," or "why." This allows them to express themselves more freely, and you gain deeper insights into their perspective, goals, and constraints. ✅4️⃣ Reflect and Clarify💡: Paraphrase and clarify what you've heard. Restate their key points to demonstrate your understanding and ensure that there are no misunderstandings. This practice not only validates their feelings but also fosters a sense of trust and respect. ✅5️⃣Practice Empathy🤗: Put yourself in the shoes of the other party to understand their emotions, challenges, and aspirations. Empathetic listening helps you find common ground and potential solutions that cater to both parties' interests, leading to win-win outcomes. ✅6️⃣Control Your Response 🎮: In the heat of negotiations, it's natural to react emotionally. However, active listening empowers you to respond thoughtfully, not react impulsively. Take a moment to process the information and choose your words carefully. A composed response demonstrates professionalism and fosters a positive negotiation environment. ✅7️⃣ Take Notes📝: Documenting key points during the negotiation is essential. Not only does it help you retain vital information, but it also shows the other party that you value their input. Later, refer back to these notes to align your proposals with their interests and demonstrate your commitment to finding common ground. The more you consciously apply these techniques, the more adept you'll become at unlocking negotiation success and building meaningful, long-lasting professional relationships. So, the next time embrace the power of active listening and watch the transformation unfold! 🔆 #careerprogression #negotiationskills #activelistening #professionaldevelopment #confidence