Mindset Shifts for Success

Stop asking women how they “do it all.” Start asking how much help they have. We love a good “how does she do it?” story. The CEO who runs a billion-dollar company while raising three kids and looks flawless at school pickup. The entrepreneur who scales a business from her kitchen table and still makes homemade meals. The politician who campaigns, legislates, and posts relatable Instagram stories of bedtime routines. We marvel at these women, assuming they’ve cracked some secret code—some magical formula that lets them balance career, family, relationships, self-care, and ambition without dropping a ball. But here’s the thing: they haven’t cracked the code. They’ve cracked open their wallets. The real question isn’t “How does she do it all?” It’s “How much help does she have—and how much does that help cost?” Behind every woman who “does it all,” there’s usually an army. A nanny who handles school pickups. A housekeeper who keeps the chaos at bay. A tutor who manages homework. A spouse who shares the load—or, in many cases, the quiet privilege of a partner who earns enough to make that support system possible. But we rarely talk about that. The myth of “doing it all” isn’t just exhausting—it’s dangerous. It makes women who are barely holding it together feel like they’re failing. It suggests that if they just tried harder, slept less, or leaned in more, they too could achieve that elusive balance. And it keeps us from asking the real questions: Who’s helping? Who’s making it possible for her to be in two places at once? How much does that help cost? Because the truth is, no one is doing it all alone. And the cost of that help isn’t small. Full-time childcare, house management, and administrative support can easily cost six figures annually. For most families, that’s out of reach. Yet we rarely acknowledge this when we celebrate women who seem to have mastered the impossible. Investing in support isn’t just about outsourcing tasks—it’s about freeing up bandwidth to focus on high-impact work, to be fully present where it matters most. For many high-achieving women, the cost of help is a calculated decision, a cost-benefit analysis that weighs the price of outsourcing against the value of time. And often, the ROI is undeniable. Still, these choices are framed as indulgences, not as strategic decisions. Instead of marveling at women who seem superhuman, we should be asking: What does your support system look like? How did you build it? How do we make that kind of help accessible to more women? Only then can we move beyond the illusion of perfection and toward a world where success isn’t about doing it all—it’s about having the support to do what matters most, as you define it. #myth #childcare #success #motherhood #support

"I declined the role at Apple!" A mom texted me this at 9pm last night. On paper, it was her dream job. Title. Pay. Prestige. In reality? It meant a 2-hour commute and missing school pick-ups. This is what “you can’t have it all” actually looks like. It's rarely one big decision. It’s 12 small trade-offs every day. The promotion or family dinners. The 5pm meeting or watching soccer practice. And somehow, it feels like you're choosing wrong. Most people think there are only two options: 1: Push harder. Get promoted. Miss everything. 2: Pull back. Protect your time. Watch your career stall. Both feel like failure. But here’s what I’ve learned watching thousands of women navigate this: The question is rigged: "Career or family?" assumes ambition and children are opposing forces. They're not. The women who've found peace didn't balance better. They rejected the premise. They stopped asking, "Career or family?" And started asking: "What does success look like for me in this season?" Because ambition doesn't disappear with kids. It just stops fitting the script you were handed. Before kids, success meant: The next title. The bigger role. The faster climb. Now, it might mean: ↳ A role that stretches you without taking your evenings ↳ Turning down the VP offer with 60% travel ↳ Taking a 20% pay cut to finish work at 5:30pm This is the third path. Where you trade status for long-term fulfillment. You're proud of your career AND connected with your kids - without losing yourself. It's a different definition of winning. The hard part? No one applauds this choice. LinkedIn celebrates promotions. Nobody posts "I turned down Director to keep coaching my daughter's soccer team!" So when you choose the third path, it feels lonely. You wonder if you've lost your edge. Choosing a life that works for you isn't loss of ambition. It's the highest form of ambition. The women I know on the third path? ↳ They're leading teams AND making it to the game. ↳ They bought back 10 hours a week and still got promoted. ↳ They skip the work dinner, build strategic visibility instead, and make an impact anyway. They're not doing less. They're playing a longer game. If you're standing at that crossroads, ask yourself: What would success look like in the season I’m actually living — not the one I lived five years ago, and not the one everyone expects? That’s the first step on the third path. I help moms at Fortune 500 companies build careers that fit the season they’re living. If this resonates and you’re not sure how to start living the third path, I put together a 1-minute quiz to help you pinpoint what's driving your overwhelm — and the first move to redesign your ambition around your life. Comment “yes” and I’ll DM you the free quiz link.👇 --- ♻️ Repost if you reject society's career vs. kids narrative. 🔔 Follow Shivani Berry for frameworks to build a career you're proud of while staying connected to your kids.

To be honest, I used to detest the OKR (Objective and Key Results) system. So much so, that I modified it to OEKR (Objectives, Efforts, and Key Results) for my teams. Let me explain. OKR operates on the principle: Outcomes >> Activities. I simply incorporated 'efforts' into this equation, creating OEKR. When teams are young, it's challenging to determine which activities will yield substantial outcomes. Even seasoned teams struggle with prioritizing activities for optimal results. It's natural to follow the path set by the activity, and it's easy to overlook the desired outcome. While we can control the activities or efforts, we cannot control the outcome. As I gradually assumed leadership roles, I understood the autonomy and empowerment OKRs offered to me and my teams. It requires a mindset shift to focus on outcomes and adjust activities accordingly. Unfortunately, no one instructs us on how to do this. It's often a matter of trial and error. Here are a few strategies to master your OKRs: 1/ Don't over-plan. Start with priorities, not plans. 2/ Select your priorities carefully. Once they are clear, you can strategize your activities accordingly. Document your hypotheses and work towards collecting evidence. 3/ Continually measure your progress. Use sprints to check if you're making progress week after week. If something isn't working, quickly adjust your efforts. 4/ Keep your leadership informed about your progress, setbacks, and lessons learned in your monthly memos. Their feedback can be invaluable. I was fortunate to work with such leaders. 5/ Identify a sweet spot that yields excellent outcomes. It usually takes a quarter to reach this point. Spend the next three quarters focusing on improving efficiency and effectiveness. Strive to exceed the Key Results while maintaining the objective. This framework is beneficial for both new initiatives and product evolution (from acquisition to adoption to revenue). I have used them personally. What else would you add to this framework? #mynotes #leadership #okr

Ambition or marriage? For too long, I’ve been told I can’t have both. In a country where ambition isn’t considered ‘marriage material,’ I’ve heard it all: ‘Don’t work so hard,’ ‘Tone down your career goals,’ ‘Be more marriageable.’ These words have echoed in my life, shaping an internal conflict between my professional dreams and societal expectations. Recently, I faced my own bias head-on. Surrounded by powerful women working in gender justice, I made an assumption—surely, they must be single, childless, or without traditional families. It was a reflection of the societal narrative that says ambitious women can’t have it all. But I was wrong. These women, these fierce feminists, spoke about their husbands, children, and families with pride. They had it all—careers, families, and the freedom to be unapologetically ambitious. That moment shifted something in me. It made me confront the false dichotomy I’ve been conditioned to accept. Why should ambition and marriage be mutually exclusive? Why should the pursuit of professional success diminish my worth as a potential partner? According to the National Center for Family & Marriage Research, women who marry later and pursue their careers often enjoy more stable marriages, with couples marrying after the age of 25 being 50% less likely to divorce. This isn’t just anecdotal; it’s evidence that we can have it all and do it well. Yet, we’re still in a society where women are often expected to sacrifice their careers for their families or are discouraged from working altogether, as if the decision isn’t only theirs to make. In India, only 32% of married women are part of the workforce. The Centre for Monitoring Indian Economy (CMIE) reports a significant number of Indian women leaving the workforce after marriage, more due to family or societal expectations that place domestic responsibilities above one's own professional aspirations. The lack of supportive work environments and the burden of household duties on them also play a role in this decline. To every woman who has been told to choose between her dreams and her personal life, to every person who believes ambition is incompatible with marriage—I’m here to say, we can have both. We deserve to have both. The world needs to see that powerful, career-driven women can also be loving partners, nurturing mothers, and pillars of their families. But for those who choose to focus solely on their careers or their homes—that choice is equally valid. What matters is that it’s a choice, not a concession to societal pressure. It’s time to challenge the narrative. Ambition is not a flaw; it’s a strength. And it’s entirely compatible with love, family, and marriage. Let’s redefine what it means to be ‘marriage material.’ Because the modern woman can—and should—aspire to everything she desires, on her own terms. #GenderEquality #WomenEmpowerment #Feminism #WomenInLeadership #WomenSupportingWomen #GenderJustice

There is a pattern I see often in high-performing women. They become essential. Not in the way that creates visibility. In the way that keeps everything working. They anticipate. They absorb. They stabilise. They reduce friction across the system. And because of that, they are trusted. Relied on. Pulled into more. But something subtle happens over time. The more they hold, the more their role shifts toward maintaining flow rather than shaping direction. They are everywhere. Yet not where the real decisions are made. From the outside, it looks like strong leadership. From the inside, it often feels like carrying more than the role was ever designed to hold. This is not a capability issue. It is structural. Because when someone consistently absorbs complexity, the system reorganises around that capacity. Work moves toward them. Responsibility accumulates around them. And their value becomes tied to what they can carry, rather than where they should be positioned. That’s the trap. Not being overlooked. But being overused in ways that make strategic visibility almost impossible. And this is where many attempts to “reposition” miss the point. It’s not about becoming less available as a tactic. Or creating artificial scarcity. It’s about recognising what was never yours to hold in the first place. And stepping out of it. Not abruptly. But deliberately. Letting certain things stop being absorbed. Allowing friction to surface where it belongs. Reclaiming space for thinking, for shaping, for deciding. Because leadership does not scale through how much you can carry. It scales through where you choose to stand. And that shift is rarely visible from the outside. But it changes everything.

The biggest lie we tell young women: You can have it all. After 30+ years in leadership, let me tell you the truth: You can't have it all. Nobody can. But here's what you CAN have: Intentional choices that align with your values and seasons of life. I've seen too many brilliant women: - Sacrifice their health for their careers - Feel guilty for prioritizing family during crucial moments - Apologize for setting boundaries - Burn out trying to be everything to everyone The real power isn't in having it all, it's in defining what "enough" looks like for YOU. Some seasons, your career will take priority. Some seasons, your family will. Some seasons, your health will demand attention. All of these choices are valid. Success isn't about perfect balance. It's about conscious trade-offs and owning your decisions without apology. What would change if we stopped measuring women's success by impossible standards? #Leadership #WomenEmpowerment

Last week, I promised to answer your top questions about leadership in the age of AI. So, here goes! I’ll start with a foundational topic: What mindset shifts do leaders need to make during times of huge change? For me, it comes down to this — we need to go from being “map readers” to “explorers.” Map-readers rely on past routes and like knowing the destination. Explorers enjoy shifting terrain and thrive in not knowing the destination. They run experiments, stay close to the work and their teams, and earn trust by being present and being human.  They succeed because they are curious enough to learn. “Exploration is really the essence of the human spirit.” – Frank Borman (Apollo 8 astronaut) Minimize change → Ride the change Why it matters Change is not a phase. “Back to normal” isn't coming. Success is building resilience and helping teams thrive in turbulence. The mindset sets the tone: it has to be “let’s do this” versus “oh no, change”. What should leaders do Communicate with clarity relentlessly - what’s known, what’s unknown, and how you are making decisions. Make calls with incomplete information: run tests, adjust fast.    2. Certainty mindset → Scientist mindset Why it matters When so much is changing, doing what worked before won’t work. A scientist mindset means you have curiosity over certainty. You look for reasons you might be wrong, not just reasons you must be right and you surround yourself with people who challenge you. What should leaders do Set hypotheses and run experiments (more about this next week). Iterate, and learn as much from being wrong as from being right. Be a “learn-it-all,” not a “know-it-all.” 3. Manage from above → Get close to work Why it matters When you are exploring new paths, you need to stay close to the ground. You need to be a master of your craft Managing with decks and dashboards is not enough. What should leaders do Write prompts, embed within your team, get close to your team's processes. Triangulate with feedback from customers, partners and team members and don't rely on filtered reports. 4. Drive with control → Enable with context Why it matters The simple definition of context: it is what enables great work. Humans and AI both need it to deliver. It is the shared frame that makes the next action obvious and lets teams move with confidence and speed. What should leaders do Start with the “why” and “why now” behind strategies, pivots and decisions. Communicate it on repeat. Don’t dilute the message as it cascades down. Own it. 5. Me → We Why it matters No single leader can solve challenges alone, and being a lone explorer will lead to burnout. Choosing “we over me” puts team wins ahead of ego. And that’s how we win. What should leaders do Stay humble and recognize you may not have all the answers. Listen deeply across the business. Coach and help others grow. Let’s keep the conversation going in the comments, and I’ll share my second post in this series next week.

Women have been sold a version of success that treats stress and exhaustion as proof of ambition. It is time to challenge that. The data is clear. Women are experiencing a wellbeing gap that is costing them at a neurobiological level. More stressed. More exhausted. More burned out than their male counterparts. Because we are living and working in ways that are fundamentally incompatible with how the female nervous system is designed to function. I have spent over two decades researching human performance across mixed gender workforces and corporate leadership teams. What I keep seeing (and hearing) is this: the standard performance model was built around a biology that does not account for the full range of human experience. For many women, that mismatch is not just inconvenient. It is unsustainable. This is a research area I am going deeply into, and one that is shaping my next book. My mission, in every room I work in and in every conversation I have, is to help high-performers (males and females) move from survival mode to sustainable peak-performance. For women, that means understanding the specific neurobiological, hormonal and cognitive load factors that are quietly eroding our performance and wellbeing. For organisations, it means building performance cultures that account for the full biological range of their workforce. The tools exist. The science is there. What has been missing is the translation. If this resonates, the Spacious Success podcast is where I explore these ideas every week. Start with the episode on the Performance Paradox. Link in comments.

In a world of quarterly targets and instant gratification, long-term thinking is becoming a rare—and powerful—superpower. The leaders I admire most are the ones who resist the pressure to react and instead choose to respond. Managers who invest in people and ideas that won’t necessarily pay off tomorrow, but will shape what’s possible years from now. Long-term thinking shows up in all kinds of ways: ✔️ Building a resilient company culture. The strength of a resilient company culture should not be underestimated. It is one that you can lean on during good and bad times. It can serve as your compass and be with you through a company’s evolution. A resilient company allows you to innovate and keeps your mission and purpose aligned. There are no short cuts to building resilience. Meaning that the most resilient cultures are those built over time and through long-term strategic thinking and commitment. ✔️ Choosing sustainable growth over unsustainable speed. Quick growth is fine—great, even—but not if it causes you to make careless mistakes that will be difficult to recover from. If you're growing so fast that you are neglecting quality, or worse, safety, then it's time to recalibrate. Long-term success means prioritizing the well-being of your customers and your team. ✔️ Focusing on relationships with your customer, not just transactions. This includes knowing your stakeholders. If revenue dips, it might be tempting to raise prices to patch the shortfall. However, ask yourself: is  price the problem, or is there something deeper missing in the product or service? Short-term fixes can backfire if they erode trust. Long-term thinking requires you to deeply understand the needs of the people you serve—and to keep earning their loyalty over time. Personally, I’ve found that long-term thinking brings clarity. It helps me filter out the noise and focus on what really matters—not just in business, but in life. If you want to lead with vision, ask yourself: What will matter most in five years? And what am I doing today to build toward that? When you can zoom out, you often see the path forward more clearly. And that’s how leaders—and legacies—are built.

International Women’s Day fills our feeds with stories of women climbing the corporate ladder. Promotions. Board seats. Leadership panels. Glass ceilings shattered. That progress matters. It deserves to be celebrated. But after 22 conversations with women leaders on the Career Shifts Podcast, I’ve begun to notice another story unfolding quietly alongside it. And it has made me confront a slightly uncomfortable realization. We may be applauding only ONE version of success. Because the most powerful shifts I’ve heard in those conversations rarely look dramatic from the outside. They don’t always involve a promotion, a bigger role, or a new title. More often they begin in quieter places. A pause during a difficult year. A moment of exhaustion that refuses to be ignored. Or the slow recognition that the ladder you have been climbing for years may actually be leaning against the wrong wall. We have defined success through a narrow frame: speed, visibility, endurance, and the ability to keep climbing even when the climb quietly begins to cost you parts of yourself. But something else became clear as those conversations unfolded. Is the life I am building still aligned with who I am becoming? One conversation that stayed with me was with Deepa. She spoke candidly about something many professionals experience but rarely admit. Burnout is not always about workload. Often it is about disconnection from the deeper “why” that once made the work meaningful. Chhavi showed what happens when legacy becomes stronger than ladders. After years in investment banking she stepped away to build the Endowment Fund, choosing to invest her energy in something that will outlive any single career milestone. Shreya is an Managing Director who refuses the quiet corporate habit of leaving parts of herself outside the boardroom. Poet, dancer, activist, corporate leader, she walks into professional spaces with all of it intact. Yasmeen stood on an international badminton podium at 45+ while continuing to lead in HR. Sangeeta moved from the precision of a CFO’s world into writing and storytelling. Naina stepped away from Amazon to explore the world through a different lens and build a creative identity of her own. Leaders like Roshni, Lochan, Deepshikha and Dr. Shalini reminded me that many women are not just navigating systems. They are quietly rebuilding them. Different journeys. Different contexts. Different choices. Yet one pattern kept emerging. A career should not compress your identity. It should expand it. Many of us have already mastered the first half of success: titles, metrics and visible wins. But the women I’ve learned from embody something deeper. Alignment. Presence. Authenticity. And the courage to keep growing without losing themselves in the process. It makes me more curious. At what point in your career did you first pause and realize the ladder you were climbing might be leaning against the wrong wall? #IWD2026 #careershifts